The Apartment Chap 4

Hell is looking for an apartment in New York City.  I have seen every apartment in this stupid city that isn't completely overrun by cockroaches.  And every time I go see an apartment with Eve they think that we're a couple and cannot stop telling us how "This is such a great neighborhood for kids." At least looking at all of these stupid apartments has stopped me from face book stalking Roger and his stupid hoe bag assistant Becky.  Roger has left me about 4 messages, so needless to say I am pissed.  We were married, this was not just some summer fling, we were supposed o spend the rest of our lives together.  Forgive me for thinking that the rest of our lives is worth a little bit more than four 1 minute long messages.  I want him to cry over me, I want him to beg me to come back.  Of course I would never go back to him, I have some dignity okay, relax.  I wonder if he even thinks that any of this was a mistake, because it was, he really effed this up.  I am a pretty modern girl, but I think that marriage is supposed o mean something.  first of all it is a legally binding agreement that two people want to be together, second of all Roger said all of these things, he would bring me flowers when he picked me up from work, was all of that a lie, I mean it isn't, it can't be, how can it be?

So that sad stuff aside, i found an apartment, one that isn't completely covered in Satan's juice (Rogerish fluids).  Its really cute, its a one bedroom with an awesome kitchen, it's not as nice as my old one, but without Roger's income I can't afford anything with that much glam.  So a one bedroom loft in SoHo will have to do, for now.  The Apartment is actually very nice, the kitchen is so nice I might actually even think about cooking for like, 30 seconds.  It's a great apartment for entertaining and it's pretty close to my office.  Oh, i forgot to tell you, i am going back to work tomorrow. You know I just realized that that jerk faced idiot mongering jack face jerk off Roger should not get to dictate how my career goes for the next ten years.  I also realized that when i took time off of work to get over that idiot mongering jerk, i was letting him in all of his jerkiness dictate my career, something I worked very hard for, and I am not just going to let him get away with stealing that from me.

Work should be interesting anyways, all the women will feel so terrible for me and then ask for Roger's number, you know as long as I am okay with that.  But what am i supposed to say, 'Oh you know I'm really not okay with you asking out my totally available ex husband, yeah that's right, the rich attractive one, Yeah you got it.  So even though he is completely off limits for me, I am just going to be selfish and conceited and keep him away from everyone else, because I'm a possessive psycho.' Then after that emotional hell storm, all of the guys, including my boss, what am I saying, especially my boss will hit on me.  But like the slightly patronizing, oh you're a recent divorce kind off hitting on.   You know right now i'm at the stage where I spite date all of Roger's friends especially the one who Roger was always slightly jealous of, Jake.  So that's something to look forward to.

Toxic Love and the Settler

Little Bee by Chris Cleave explores perspectives and how they make us act and react to our problems.  Sarah, a woman with a steady job, enough money, a healthy child, has created more problems for herself than where every really neccesary.  Trapped in a once healthy relationship, she strays from her husband to a new ans exciting man.  This new man, Lawrence, is simply one old and boring bum.  He proclaims his love for Sarah, claiming he only wants to do the best by her, but he tries to scare a refugee that Sarah has taken in, just because he feels threatened.

Sarah was married to Andrew, a strong and opinionated columnist who was emotionally crippled after a near fatal experience in Nigeria.  Throughout the book it is clear that Sarah once loved Andrew, but she wanted so much from him.  She expected him to do everything, she expected him to be everything.  Sarah remembers back to when Andrew shone brighter than the sun, he was more important to her than the ocean.  She expected him to do so much, to be so much that their love became toxic pretty quickly.  Instead of trying to become her own independent woman Sarah moves to another man, one much less interesting than Andrew.

When Sarah meets Lawrence she becomes infatuated almost immediately.  She falls in love so quickly that she forgets to realize that their love isn't real.  Lawrence, a married man himself, is a pessimist who projects his negative views of the world onto everyone around him.  He squanders Sarah's creativity, he treats her dreams as if they meant nothing, he treats her like a child with no credibility or authority.  When Sarah takes in a refugee from Nigeria, Lawrence threats to have her deported because he is threatened by not having Sarah completely by himself.

Sarah leaves her toxic love instead of trying to find the antidote, she settles for a love that was never really there.  Sarah turns her molehills into mountains, her small minute problems escalate into catastrophes that end up affecting everyone around her.  When people fall in love they very rarely check to see if the love is really real, and they often stray from true love because they are scared, scared of what that real love could be if they put any work in to it, scared of who that person might become, scared of who they might become.  When these people get scared they hide from things that could become beautiful, that could become meaningful, that could become real.