The Things We Do And The Evil They Hide

As Paris falls in epic flames, bringing to light the sheer power and force of the new German empire, a young French girl is whisked away unable to see anything she has left behind, and a German boy begins playing games with numbers and triangle, just numbers and always triangles, a beautiful story commences.  These two people, miles apart literally as well as socially are drawn together by pure force, their stories collide in a way that no one can forget.  Marie-Laure LeBlanc is a girl blind to everything accept the most difficult things to see.  Werner Pfennig is a boy shoved in to the center of the German ignorance who can find no way to assure himself that the German cause really is the best thing for all the German people.  Werner's reluctance to accept responsibility for his actions shows us how easy it is to hide when you are willing to lie to yourself.

Werner, an orphan who grew up with a French caregiver and a loving sister is surprisingly pulled towards the German cause.  He is first pushed towards military by a rich man who himself does not follow the rules of the government, he has cream.  Werner's natural born talent gain him a special place in a 'political institute for education' in Schulpforta Germany.  At the school Werner is shown the true disregard for difference by the German military.  When his best friend Frederick is given irreversible brain damage during a beating by  his fellow classmates, simply because Frederick is unwilling to punish a POW who has already been attacked numerous times, Werner begins to contemplate his role in the German cause.  Later, after Werner has been drafted, his calculations mistakenly bring him to the home of a mother and daughter, thinking they where terrorists against Germany.  After his fellow soldier shoots and kills the young girl and her mother Werner finally begins to realize the true and material consequences for his horrible actions.  The death of the young girl forces Werner to think about the others, all the people who were just collateral damage for the Germans, including his own sister Jutta.  In his futile search for justification and answers Werner comes face to face with Marie, whose uncles illegal radio broadcast he pretended not to hear just days before.  When Werner meets Marie his faith in Germany crumbles, he is exposed to the truth: he is not serving his country, but aiding in the mass murder of people not so different from himself and his family.

Werner's late realization of his wrong doing displays the fact that people were willing to wear blinders and allow something so evil to happen.  The German people dubbed Hitler as genius because he showed them a possibility of a better life.  Werner was so desperate for something better than the depressing life he was headed towards, that he pretended not to see all of the horrible things he was doing.  As he continued to pretend Werner began to believe his own lies, he rejected those who tried to show him the error of his ways, like Jutta.  Until Werner saw the young girl die right in front of him he hid himself from all the evil surrounding him.  Like so many other people who were complicit in one of the worst crimes in human history, he was unwilling to see what was right in front of him until it was too late.

Werner's inability to accept the responsibility for his horrendous actions demonstrates the unwillingness of the German people to accept responsibility for the crimes in which they were complicit.  Werner represents a generation of people willing to sacrifice an entire ethnic group for the purpose of their own advancements.  They were willing to lie to themselves and pretend that all was well instead of challenge Hitler and his ultimately evil message.  This book asks: to what lengths will people go to shield themselves, and from what are they hiding?

The Apartment Chap 4

Hell is looking for an apartment in New York City.  I have seen every apartment in this stupid city that isn't completely overrun by cockroaches.  And every time I go see an apartment with Eve they think that we're a couple and cannot stop telling us how "This is such a great neighborhood for kids." At least looking at all of these stupid apartments has stopped me from face book stalking Roger and his stupid hoe bag assistant Becky.  Roger has left me about 4 messages, so needless to say I am pissed.  We were married, this was not just some summer fling, we were supposed o spend the rest of our lives together.  Forgive me for thinking that the rest of our lives is worth a little bit more than four 1 minute long messages.  I want him to cry over me, I want him to beg me to come back.  Of course I would never go back to him, I have some dignity okay, relax.  I wonder if he even thinks that any of this was a mistake, because it was, he really effed this up.  I am a pretty modern girl, but I think that marriage is supposed o mean something.  first of all it is a legally binding agreement that two people want to be together, second of all Roger said all of these things, he would bring me flowers when he picked me up from work, was all of that a lie, I mean it isn't, it can't be, how can it be?

So that sad stuff aside, i found an apartment, one that isn't completely covered in Satan's juice (Rogerish fluids).  Its really cute, its a one bedroom with an awesome kitchen, it's not as nice as my old one, but without Roger's income I can't afford anything with that much glam.  So a one bedroom loft in SoHo will have to do, for now.  The Apartment is actually very nice, the kitchen is so nice I might actually even think about cooking for like, 30 seconds.  It's a great apartment for entertaining and it's pretty close to my office.  Oh, i forgot to tell you, i am going back to work tomorrow. You know I just realized that that jerk faced idiot mongering jack face jerk off Roger should not get to dictate how my career goes for the next ten years.  I also realized that when i took time off of work to get over that idiot mongering jerk, i was letting him in all of his jerkiness dictate my career, something I worked very hard for, and I am not just going to let him get away with stealing that from me.

Work should be interesting anyways, all the women will feel so terrible for me and then ask for Roger's number, you know as long as I am okay with that.  But what am i supposed to say, 'Oh you know I'm really not okay with you asking out my totally available ex husband, yeah that's right, the rich attractive one, Yeah you got it.  So even though he is completely off limits for me, I am just going to be selfish and conceited and keep him away from everyone else, because I'm a possessive psycho.' Then after that emotional hell storm, all of the guys, including my boss, what am I saying, especially my boss will hit on me.  But like the slightly patronizing, oh you're a recent divorce kind off hitting on.   You know right now i'm at the stage where I spite date all of Roger's friends especially the one who Roger was always slightly jealous of, Jake.  So that's something to look forward to.

Toxic Love and the Settler

Little Bee by Chris Cleave explores perspectives and how they make us act and react to our problems.  Sarah, a woman with a steady job, enough money, a healthy child, has created more problems for herself than where every really neccesary.  Trapped in a once healthy relationship, she strays from her husband to a new ans exciting man.  This new man, Lawrence, is simply one old and boring bum.  He proclaims his love for Sarah, claiming he only wants to do the best by her, but he tries to scare a refugee that Sarah has taken in, just because he feels threatened.

Sarah was married to Andrew, a strong and opinionated columnist who was emotionally crippled after a near fatal experience in Nigeria.  Throughout the book it is clear that Sarah once loved Andrew, but she wanted so much from him.  She expected him to do everything, she expected him to be everything.  Sarah remembers back to when Andrew shone brighter than the sun, he was more important to her than the ocean.  She expected him to do so much, to be so much that their love became toxic pretty quickly.  Instead of trying to become her own independent woman Sarah moves to another man, one much less interesting than Andrew.

When Sarah meets Lawrence she becomes infatuated almost immediately.  She falls in love so quickly that she forgets to realize that their love isn't real.  Lawrence, a married man himself, is a pessimist who projects his negative views of the world onto everyone around him.  He squanders Sarah's creativity, he treats her dreams as if they meant nothing, he treats her like a child with no credibility or authority.  When Sarah takes in a refugee from Nigeria, Lawrence threats to have her deported because he is threatened by not having Sarah completely by himself.

Sarah leaves her toxic love instead of trying to find the antidote, she settles for a love that was never really there.  Sarah turns her molehills into mountains, her small minute problems escalate into catastrophes that end up affecting everyone around her.  When people fall in love they very rarely check to see if the love is really real, and they often stray from true love because they are scared, scared of what that real love could be if they put any work in to it, scared of who that person might become, scared of who they might become.  When these people get scared they hide from things that could become beautiful, that could become meaningful, that could become real.

Now What?!!! Chap 2

Chap. 2


Agggghhh, Brooklyn is so gross, I know that Lindsey loves it wit her 11 kids and whatever, but no way in hell am I ever gonna move here.  Too many hipsters walking around, I mean does no one here have a job.
"Gretch, what the hell are you gonna do" Lindsey sits down with our coffee, well my coffee, her extra chai mocha cinnamon latte with extra strawberry whipped cream.  What did I say , hipsters galore.  Despite the multitudes of carb-filled 'coffees' and pushing those kids out, Lindsey still has the perfect bod, so unfair, genetics suck, I actually have to work out if I want to fit into my clothes.
"Lindsey, what am I supposed to do, go back to him, he's some looser son of bitch who cheated on me with TWO women"
"i'm not saying that you should go back to him, but he literally has all your money"
"No, he signed the prenup"
"okay, but you know he will take you to court he is a shark, do you really want to deal with all of that?"
"Oh Shit, why did this have to happen to me.  Is it so unrealistic to think I might have found an actually good guy"
"Come on now, I found Charles"
"Yeah I remember that, we move to New York to be cool single girls, and our second time out and you meet Charles, the 49 year old banker"
"Why do you hate him so much, he's a good guy"
"He is lame as hell, good guy or not"
"You live in Brooklyn, your a stay at home mom, you have an Oxford law degree.  He made you lame, you where a kick ass lawyer until you met him"
"I'm happy, I don't see what's wrong with any of that"
"You just don't seem happy, that's all"
"Well I am,  I promise"
"All right I have to go, bye"
"Bye"  Lindsey leans in for a hug, I know she's not happy, My life is falling apart, but that's way better than being trapped.
I don't know what I am gonna do, but I promise it cannot be anything that traps me into a life I know I never wanted, I cannot become just another Lindsey

I Got This. Don't I? Chap 3

Chap. 3
Please Return to chapters 1 and  2 if you have not already read them

It's been a week since the I found out.  I have only gone through 9 bottles of red wine (definitely the saddest kind of wine), I've facebook stalked roger 6 times (his status is still married, that stupid lier) and I've survived thirteen emotional breakdowns (and I don't mean Anne Hathaway pretty crying emotional breakdowns, I mean hour long scream sessions, where at the end you've just run out of tears and every single spot in your room is covered in mascara, I don't even wear that much mascara, I guess that's just what emotional breakdowns do to you).  

So exceptionally sad, well deserved pity aside, I really have to figure out what I need to do, obviously I can't just forget about everything and go back to him, this isn't 1954, but where the hell am I going to live. The apartment is under my name, but I cannot live there, chances are, that wasn't the first little adventure Roger has had since we moved in, I just don't think I can stomach it.  So in the meantime I am living with Eve.  My best friend (yes Lindsey is also my best friend, I have like six best friends, best friend is a concept not a person), Eve also went to oxford with me and Linds, but instead of getting the wall street job she totally deserved, she joined teach for America.  Now she lives in TriBeCa, she is defos the most trendy kindergarten teacher I know, plus she only works until 3, and since I have taken a break from the firm, I have a lot of free time.

I know that taking a break from work probably isn't the best thing for my career, but I really needed it.  Also I am only 26, Ruth Bader Ginsberg is 82, I still have time.  Any way, when I am not have emotional breakdowns, facebook stalking, or getting sad-drunk, I am looking for new apartments, so far the ones in my price range are well, king of sucky.  So until I can find the right one, I'm here with Eve, sleeping I a loft bed.  Jesus, what am I gonna do.

Oh Hell Chap 1

Chap. 1

My life has never been better.  I got married to this smoking hot guy two months ago, I have this kick ass job at this Law firm, and I think they're gonna make me a partner in the next two years.   So literally nothing could be better.  My life is on this perfect track and nothing can mess it up.
Although I basically live the life of a NYC socialite, I still do forget my keys, so here I am just driving, calmly back to my humble upper east side penthouse, oh yeah did I forget to mention that I have the best apartment known to man.
Ahhhh, I feel like the hardest part of my newly amazing life is accepting that it's real.  Definitely the best part is Roger.  He's so considerate, he always gets home before me so he can make sure every things perfect, Well I mean Yolanda our saintly cleaning lady does the actual work, but Roger oh god just thinking about him makes me smile.  I never really had a perfect relationship before him, he really brings my entire life together.  Now that I have something so perfect I don't ever want to loose it.  Oooh the elavater is so fancy, all gold and shiny.
"16th floor, Julio,"
"All right Ms. Gretchen'"
"Thank you Julio"
So that was Julio, it's pretty great having a door man.  Because then for the murderer to get to your apartment, they have to get through a whole bunch of people, It's a really great way to look at living in New York.
Anyway back to Roger, honestly, I could talk about my honey all day, that's how much I love him.  Ok here, my floor Its a private penthouse so it lets off right into the vestibule of my godly apartment.
I unlock the front door, taking down the little post it note from Yolanda telling me about groceries she bought, Yolanda is literally a godsend, I don't know what we would do without her.
I go through the perfect kitchen, living room, and dining room to get to our gorgeous master bedroom.  I know my phone is on the end table to I go into the bedroom, I should have known something was off, the light were on, Yolanda always turns of the light.
When I get in I am paralyzed, there Roger is with TWO other women, I recognize one as his secretary, Becky, the other one is probably a floozy intern from Goldman.
"Oh Hell"
As I say those words I can practically feel my entire life crumbling into pieces.

**************TO BE CONTINUED********************************************

Love and Acceptance

Two boys, the same father, grow up together, raised miles apart.  Hassan has devoted his entire life to serve his half brother Amir, he has given up all of his dignity and pride to ensure Amir's happiness.

Sadly Amir cannot see the truth behind Hassan's devotion, leading him to bring pain to everyone involved.  The desire for love and acceptance prove to negatively affect both of the boys.  Because Hassan is not accepted by his father, he is unable to completely understand how it is possible for Hassan to love him and accept him so completely.  Love or the misunderstanding of that love Amir into a self destructive machine who tears down all who try to do right by him.

Amir's father makes him feel inadequate.  Although his father obviously loves him, he treats that love as more of a responsibility than a gift.  Part of the reason Baba has so much difficulty expressing love for Amir is that Amir's mother died during childbirth, and Baba seems to blame Amir for his mother's death.  Amir knows that Baba resents him for being the cause of his mother's death, he sees very clearly that nothing he can do will ever make up for the toll he took on Baba's life.  Amir bases his entire self worth off of what Baba thinks of him, because Baba regards him poorly, he believes that he truly is less than what could make him good.  The lack of love from Baba creates a low self worth for Amir, this eventually makes Amir turn on Hassan.

Love and acceptance and the desire for them lead Amir to betray Hassan.  This proves that love is a very powerful source, it can make people do crazy and evil things.  Baba thinks that Amir took away his one true love,making it so he cannot properly love or accept Amir.  Because Amir bases himself off of Baba's idea of him, he makes himself believe that he does not deserve to be loved.  As Amir has such low self esteem, he is unable to accept that Hassan could love and accept him as much as what shows.  since Amir cannot accept Hassan's love, he betrays Hassan, he pushes him away, until Hassan ultimately decides to leave.  Amir self destructs and brings down those around him because of the low self esteem he got due to his hostile growth environment with Baba